My Dad

Yesterday on June 19th, 2012 my Dad lost his battle with cancer.  Although I hate using the term "lost".  It some how implies that he didn't fight hard enough.  And he did.  He fought with everything he had, but some things are just not meant to be.  Maybe some people are just too good to stay on this earth for long.

As horrible as this situation has been, my family in true fashion is stepping up to the plate.  My dad told me a few months ago that he was worried that the family will fall apart during this.  But after seeing us deal with everything he realized how strong we were and we naturally come together during a crisis.  He just kept repeating how proud he was of all of us and how loved he felt.  It even got to the point when the nurses would ask him how he was doing he would say, "I am so loved."  And of course we would all get exasperated and yell at him that they just wanted to know about his pain.  But that right there is classic dad.  He was always ready with a joke and spiritual look at a situation.

As soon as I found out that his cancer had progressed to stage four my first thought was to cancel my trip to Amsterdam.  My dad, who has never been one to give us ultimatums, told me there was no way in hell that I wasn't going.  He said he knew it wasn't fair, but he wanted me to go for him.  I am so glad he did.  As much as I want to be home with my family right now, I am in the right place.  There is plenty to do to distract me.  Plus now I feel like he is here with me.  Instead of just getting to see my photos he gets to see me be happy in a wonderful place surrounded by art.  And me being happy is all he has ever wanted for me.  Also talking to my siblings it is so nice to hear they are taking care of each other and are really happy that I am staying here to have this experience.  I really could not have asked for better when it comes to family.

There are many things that I will always miss about my Dad.  I will miss our weekly phone conversations where he told me all the crazy things that had happened in the prison.  I will miss the way that he always had the most spiritual advice for any situation I found myself in.  I will miss the undying faith he had in my strength to not only make it through any situation, but thrive as well, even when I don't have that faith myself.  And most of all I will miss his stupid jokes that he has told a million times.  I guess now we will have to carry on the tradition.

I love you Dad and I know you will always be with me telling me I can do anything I want and being proud of me for taking chances at finding my happiness.  If anyone gives you trouble in heaven let me know, I'll kick their ass for you.